Sunday, January 03, 2016

K-E-U-R-I-G Spells Expensive, Bad Coffee

Yesterday the wife unit decided that she wanted to replace her 7 year old (but perfectly functional) Bosch Tassimo single cup coffee maker with a Keurig. The reasons she gave were the wider variety of K-cups vs. the Tassimo cups, and that she could get a unit that would dispense hot water so our girls could more easily make hot tea or chocolate. She also bought a refillable K-cup so that I could continue to use my preferred brand, Chock Full O'Nuts. (Strangely enough, it has no nuts. But I digress.)

What a goatfuck. She wound up getting a Keurig 2.0 unit, which is infested with their DRM. That means you can only use "approved" K-cups unless you hack the DRM sensor.

Likewise, you cannot use refillable K-cups unless you buy Keurig's -- as opposed to the 3rd party one sold right next to the coffee maker, like my wife bought -- unless you engage in some hacking. (For some reason, the incompatible refillable cup worked the first time I tried it, but was rejected the second time. That tells me the DRM sensor is flakey.)

I just love the error message that you get on the touchscreen when you insert an incompatible cup: "Oops!" To be more accurate, it should read, "Ha ha!" while showing a picture of the Keurig CEO grabbing his crotch at you.

Now, being a tech professional I'd heard of this Keurig DRM, and knew that it went over like a wet fart in church. However, an awful lot of consumers haven't. If I'd been with my wife when she bought it, I would have pointed her elsewhere.

I do not want to motherfucking hack my damn coffee maker so that I can brew my choice of coffee. That's as idiotic as having to buy Calphalon-brand eggs to use in a Calphalon frying pan.

This is a perfect example of a corporate greed overcoming good sense, and telling its customers, "Do it our way, or fuck off." The best way to fight this sort of thing is to tell them to fuck right off back, and spend our money with someone else. No, I do not support government regulation. Let the free market work.

On top of the DRM derp, frankly the coffee that comes from a Keurig sucks. Compared with a French press, my old Mr. Coffee drip brewer, or even a percolator it's thin.

We've decided to return the Keurig, keep the Tassimo and replace the Mr. Coffee with another drip brewer because it doesn't keep a pot hot enough after being brewed. For hot water, we'll rely on the good old tea kettle.

Edit: The wife decided not to buy a new drip coffee maker. I don't have a problem with our old one and since I'm the one who mostly uses it, we'll keep it until it dies.

1 comment:

Jerry The Geek said...

Mr Coffee 4-cup. If you don't like the cups it brews, throw it out and brew another cuppa. Best of all, you get to choose what kind of coffee you use, AND it doesn't incorporate a GPS system! (Okay, that last one was a subtle dig.)