Save the oceans from the Evil Oil Companies

Farm whales!

My green energy solution: Factory whale farming.

We would first need to secure a large enough facility for the farm. With the recent crude oil based disaster hurting the local economy, Louisiana would be the perfect location for cheap land and labor. The New Orleans Super Dome has had a history of problems and should be closed. We should be able to purchase it for a song.

We would have to caulk the doors and ticket windows – possibly spread a layer of sealant over the entire stadium and bleacher section. There aren’t a lot of windows, so the public doesn’t have to see the slaughter house and cry about “veal production”.

Using the pre-existing pump facilities associated with the levee system, it should be easy to fill the dome with sea water. We could re-circulate the water back into the storm sewers and repeat when the smell gets bad.

The most difficult part would be catching the breeding stock of Sperm Whales. That will have to be determined later. Breeding will require large quantities of lava lamps and Berry White CDs.

Feeding will be a breeze. As Obama bows to the environmental nut-jobs and stops oil drilling in the U.S. people will need clothing. Some other ARFCOM entrepreneur will need to begin a large scale leather farm. He can supply us with dead, skinned cows to feed the sperm whales. In return, we’ll provide him ground up whale meat for fertilizer and animal feed.

Brilliant!

Have you ever danced?

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town to clear his parched throat.

He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and lau ghed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I never did dance, -- just never wanted to.'

A crowd had gathered quickly and the gunslinger grinned and said, 'Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now,' and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector, in order to not get a toe blown off or his boots perforated, was soon hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet and everybody was laughing fit to be tied.

When the last bullet had been fired the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back in to the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers back. The loud, audible double clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The quiet was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

He found it hard to swallow. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands.

The old man said, 'Son, did you ever kiss a mule's butt?'

The boy bully swallowed hard and said, 'No, sir. But I've always wanted to.'

There are two lessons for us all:

Don't waste ammunition.

Don't mess with old people.

I R Smart

Via Tam.

Psychiatric Study Results

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of man a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with a spear lodged in his chest and tape over his mouth while he is on fire.

No further studies are planned.





;-)