Jewish Haiku

After the warm rain
the sweet smell of camellias.
Did you wipe your feet?
*****
Her lips near my ear,
Aunt Sadie whispers the name
of her friend's disease.
*****
Looking for pink buds
to prune, the old moyel
wanders among his flowers.
*****
Today I am a man.
Tomorrow I will return
to the seventh grade.
*****
Harsh Scrabble discord--
someone has placed "putzhead" on
a triple word score.
*****
Testing the warm milk
on her wrist, she sighs softly.
But her son is forty.
*****
The sparkling blue sea
reminds me to wait an hour
after my sandwich.
*****
Tea ceremony--
fragrant steam perfumes the air.
Try the cheese Danish.
*****
Lacking fins or tail
the gefilte fish swims with
great difficulty.
*****
Yom Kippur-- Forgive
me, Lord, for the Mercedes
and all that lobster.
*****
My nature journal --
today, I saw some trees and birds.
I should know the names?
*****
Like a bonsai tree,
your terrible posture at
my dinner table.
*****
Beyond Valium
the peace of knowing one's child
is an internist.
*****
Jews on safari --
map, compass, elephant gun,
hard sucking candies.
*****
Coroner's report --
"The deceased, wearing no hat,
caught his death of cold."
*****
The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing:
got it at Loehmann's.
*****
The sparrow brings home
too many worms for her young.
"Force yourself," she chirps.
*****
Jewish triathlon:
gin rummy, then contract bridge,
followed by a nap.
*****
"Can't you just leave it?"
the new Jewish mother asks -
umbilical cord.
*****
The shivah visit:
so sorry about your loss.
Now back to my problems.
*****
Our youngest daughter,
our most precious jewel.
Hence the name, Tiffany.
*****
Mom, please! There is no
need to put that dinner roll
in your pocketbook.
*****
Seven-foot Jews in
the NBA slam-dunking!
My alarm clock rings.
*****
Concert of car horns
as we debate the question
of when to change lanes.
*****
Sorry I'm not home
to take your call. At the tone
please state your bad news
*****
Is one Nobel Prize
so much to ask from a child
after all I've done?
*****
Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
Five-day forecast: feh
*****
Left the door open.
for the Prophet Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.
*****
Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Tochis.
Oy! To be fluent!
*****
Quietly murmured
at Saturday services,
Yanks 5, Red Sox 3.
*****
A lovely nose ring --
excuse me while I put my
head in the oven.
*****
Hard to tell under
the lights--white Yarmulke or
male-pattern baldness